Last Day!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I realized that it's been forever since my last post. Not too much has occurred since then, except for the fact that today is my last day of ever having to eat gluten by choice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so excited, and regardless of whether this is gluten sensitivity or Celiac, I am no longer going to ingest this poison of my own volition. Needless to say, my diet has gone to pot since I've allowed myself free reign to eat whatever I want that has gluten in it since starting tomorrow, I no longer am going to be eating those things. Here's hoping the fatigue, the clumsiness, the lack of ability to focus, the pain in my side, the GI problems, and the problems I've been having with my skin clear up. I noticed yesterday how blotchy my skin is from just these past few weeks. I can't believe that there is that much difference between a non-gluten diet and a gluten one. Let me upload the pics for you so you can judge for yourself.

Time for Thomas the Tank Engine

Just a week and a half more of this self-inflicted torture of eating gluten. I'm so glad it's almost done. I've already started considering cancelling the endoscopy just so I won't have to put up with this anymore. This week, the wheezing started. I couldn't even walk half a mile before I was breathing heavily. That's just pathetic when just a couple of weeks ago I ran 6 miles and was barely winded! Now the pain attacks in the side are getting more frequent. It's not to the point of agony yet, but it'll get there soon enough. Is it really worth all this pain on my body to know whether or not I have Celiac disease? But since I'm so close, why give up now? It's time to start telling myself "I think I can. I think I can. I know I can," because I know I can do this. Time to dig deep and find out what I'm made of, I guess. I will get through this and then I will be gluten free for the rest of my life. If others with supsected Celiac disease can push through this, then so can I.

Day Six aka Bread Baby

Day six of the gluten gorge fest is almost to an end, and the symptoms keep piling up. Yesterday I noticed some super dark circles under my eyes that make me look as though I haven't slept in eons (that or that look like my boyfriend has taken to using my face as a punching bag. Definitely not the case. Poor guy. Good thing the glasses hide the circles.) Also, I noticed yesterday that I'm becoming withdrawn almost immediately after gluten consumption. I stop participating in conversation and just sit quietly, lost in my own little world. The worst thing, though, is now I look like I'm ready to give birth. And in a way I am, only this time it's not to a real baby, thankfully, but to a bread baby. I am so bloated right now and actually look like I'm about five to six months along. Those are the only new symptoms today, thankfully. Just a couple more weeks until I'm done forever with this nonsense!

Day Three

Not really too much new in terms of symptoms to report today. It's only day three, but I am not experiencing exhaustion. I normally sleep about seven hours a night with no naps throughout the day, and so far today I have taken a one-hour nap and a two hour nap. This is on top of sleeping perhaps 8-9 hours last night. The sad thing is, I'm still tired. Also, the wheezing I had before is started to come back. I just climbed up the stairs and was starting to wheeze. Fun. At least I'm one day closer to the endoscopy with biopsy!

Traveling and Going Back on Gluten

Sorry for the long delay in posting. I went back to Indiana this past weekend for a good friend's wedding. Congrats to those two! It's so nice to see two people who are so in love decide to bind themselves together in such a way if that is their desire. :)

While I was traveling, I only got sick once thankfully. The unfortunate part was that the two friends I was traveling with bore witness to what contamination does to me. I was thrashing around on the bed, crying, and clutching my side for some time before the attack wore off. Thank God that was the only time I got sick while traveling!

Now, however, it's back to eating gluten. I started yesterday, and I have to say that I am surprised. The pain has been bearable, to say the least. It is a lot less than when I only ingest a miniscule amount of gluten. The flip side is that I seriously look like I'm drunk. Since I started eating this nefarious protein again, I have been experience some neurological problems. I have a tingling sensation in my hands and feet and have a very difficult time maintaining my balance. I have had to have by phenomenal boyfriend spot me and hold on to me every time I use stairs because if not, there is a good possibility of me falling either down or up the staircase, depending on the direction I'm going. Also, the haze in my brain is slowly setting back in. My attention span is beginning to decrease. Then there are a couple of GI problems as well. I won't go into too much detail, but should anyone read this who might consider getting tested, I'll include what happens to me. That doesn't mean that you'll experience my symptoms, but I sincerely hope they provide you with a starting point. As for the symptoms, my stomach gurgles right after I eat bread/gluten containing products. It is a veritable symphony. This morning, the changed in bowel habits started. I went from being constipated for a couple of days, which meant I should have had hard stools, to already having one easy bowel movement this morning.

So, one day down, 20 or so more to go before the procedure. Part of me wonders if getting an official Celiac diagnosis is worth the possible insurance hassle of having a pre-existing condition for insurance purposes, but then by not having it, how much do I hurt myself and my future kids. Thoughts?

Saw the GI specialist today, and my worst fears have been confirmed. In order to get a good read for the biopsy I'll have in about a month, I have to go back to eating gluten. Hello again days of extreme fatigue, irritability, and brain fog. Did I mention pain? But, it's better to know for sure than to keep wondering since Celiac has a genetic component, which means I can pass it onto my future kids if that's for sure what I have. As much as I don't want to do this, I'm going to for my poor grandma who I'm almost dead positive was a Celiac and lived over 70 years without knowing. She had the same symptoms as I have when I consume gluten. I want to find out for her sake and then start raising awareness like hell. I have never been so frustrated and angered as I have been going through this. Celiac is supposed to be found in 1/100 people, and yet rarely do doctors test for this! Why is that?!!!!!!!!!!! So for any who read this, I would like to solicit your warm thoughts and prayers, especially for those of strength. God help me get through the next month and have pity on those around me until we know for sure one way or another.

I realize that I've been horrible about posting recipes, which is such a travesty since I love to cook! I figured I'd stop this despicable practice today by giving you what I had for lunch. All of these recipes were either inspired by or made directly from those I found on Pinterest, so I'll provide the links for those at the end. :)

Today's lunch was two scrambled eggs made with Indian spices, leftover bok choy, and left over green beans.

I started off by sauteeing a couple teaspoons of minced garlic as well as some fresh Thai red peppers that I found at my local asian market for about a minute or two, just enough to let the garlic brown up a bit. (This place has great prices and a HUGE selection.) I then added some leftover bean sprouts and let those cook for another minute or two. While this was cooking, I whisked together two eggs with a dash of garam marsala, curry powder, turmeric, and a pinch of salt. If you aren't into spicy food, don't add the Thai peppers. They definitely have a NICE kick to them. That said, from the research I've done, adding spicy foods to your diet can help boost your metabolism. I'm not saying that it'll boost it by that much, but every little bit helps, right?

Here's the final product. :) It turned out quite well if I do say so myself.

Oh and lest I forget, I definitely had to indulge in dessert. (I've got too much of a sweet tooth not to.) It was a frozen banana flavored with just a little teaspoon of coco powder and about half a teaspoon of ground ceylon cinnamon all mixed together in a blender. Talk about a wonderful dessert! It definitely resembles ice cream in taste and texture but is so much better for you, especially with the anti-oxidants in the coco powder and the ceylon cinnamon. This is the good kind that is supposed to help regulate your blood sugars, so I would definitely recommend you invest in some.

Here are the links to the bok choy and the banana mixture. For the green beans, all I did was cut them up, turn on my broiler, season them with a little balsamic vinegar, seasoned salt, and pepper, and then let them cook for about 15 minutes.

http://recipes.sparkpeople.com/recipe-detail.asp?recipe=195833

http://userealbutter.com/2010/08/12/single-ingredient-ice-cream-recipe/

Not too much is going on right now, but it is definitely the lull before the storm. I haven't worked out in a week thanks to twisting my ankle last Monday, and I am about to go crazy from the lack of activity! Of course, I am not doing my part to help it heal by getting cabin fever each day and spending a couple of hours on it. But the funny thing is, I can tell a huge difference in my mental state since I haven't worked out in so long. I am more apathetic and have less interest in doing things. That's what just amazes me about our bodies. Once we get used to a routine, especially to working out, once we stop doing that our bodies can tell and try to get us to get back in the routine. So for any one who is looking to start a regular workout routine, keep at it and make it a habit. Your body will definitely thank you. You might think you can't do it, but keep trying. Remember, it's all about little baby steps that add up. And for those of you who are working out, do a little extra for me please! I can't wait until I am back among your midst! :)

Gluten is EVERYWHERE

Today is definitely a pity party day, room for one only. Today it's my time to whine and vent my frustrations about the food in this country. I am sick and tired of having to be so careful about everything I eat! I've been gluten free for six weeks, and while I NEVER want to eat gluten again, I am tired about having to constantly read labels or think about where I can go that I can find gluten free options because while I love to cook, I don't want to have to spend all my time doing that. I realize that the honeymoon stage of the gluten free diet is now over and hat other people who have problems eating gluten have all gone through this. This all stems from my desire to go out and eat a hamburger. Yep. A good ol'-fashioned American hamburger. On a sesame bun. The only problem is if I eat even a part of the bun, it'll make me violently sick. My poor boyfriend and mom can attest to this. They are the ones who have seen the immediate effects of me being "glutenated." About 30 minutes to an hour after ingesting gluten, I get violently nauseous and then have a limited amount of time to get to the nearest flat object so I can lay down and curl up in the fetal position for a long time. The first hour after the attack starts, I'm typically in tears because I'm in THAT much pain. After the initial pain lessons, I can begin to think again. For the rest of that day and until the glutinous object leaves my system, I still have pain, but it becomes easier and easier to cope with. So don't think that I ever want to eat gluten again. (Each one of these attacks has been an accidental ingestion of gluten and not a conscious decision on my part.) I can deal with these attacks. What I don't want to accept is the lack of gluten free options out there that don't cost an arm and a leg. Try going up and down your regular grocery store aisles and look at the number of products out there that do not contain "wheat, malted. . . , rye, barley, etc." I think you'll be surprised that wheat seems to be in EVERYTHING. It's even added to teas sometimes! It's not necessarily that I want these packaged chemical shit storms, but I only want the option of eating them now because they are the forbidden fruit. Going gluten free can have some great health benefits, don't get me wrong. I have found thanks to this that I love kale, spaghetti squash, collard greens, and the list goes on and on. It's just frustrating to have to always have a game plan every time I go out so I can still eat the foods I like to enjoy as treats without always wondering if it's been cross contaminated. I know this stage will definitley pass as I learn to accept and see the beauty of a gluten free life. Just getting through it is going to be hard for a while. That's why I consider myself blessed beyond measure to have my boyfriend who, whenever something goes wrong always says "We'll get through this," my mom who is so protective of my health, and my friends who are so understanding of this situation and who are there for me whenever I need them. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart. You are the people who make me rich beyond my wildest dreams.

I'm not too keen on giving out some personal information, but I really hope that my doing this I am able to help someone else who might have gluten sensitivity and not know it. I received medical records in the mail today from doctors I visited a little over a year ago and can't believe how many tests I went through to determine what was wrong with me. I had had constant pain in my side that felt as though something inside were inflamed for weeks and had alternating diarrhea and constipation. The pain always got worse after eating. (Keep in mind at this time I was in Ukraine as a Peace Corps Volunteer where the diet contains a lot of bread and bread products, so I was eating gluten for pretty much every single meal.) My doctors there referred me to see a GI specialist since I have a family history of Crohn's disease on my mom's side. He performed a colonoscopy and recieved normal results. But the pain was intense, and I could barely function. Also, whenever he pressed on my side I couldn't even stand to be touched. After having a GI tract scan, an abdominal ultrasound, stool samples, and blood tests to check for cancer, he sent me to have my ribs checked out, fearing that perhaps I had fractured one. Those X-rays came back normal. Then I went to see a rheumatologist and a neurologist. I had a CT scan done and an MRI as well as more stool samples, urine tests, and bloodwork. Going through the bloodwork, I can clearly see that not once was a screening done for Celiac. Never. I had told the doctors originally that the pain always got worse with eating, but because my diet changed while seeing these doctors, the pain was just pretty much constant. Since they couldn't figure out what was causing it, they just said I had myofascial pain syndrome and gave me a ton of heavy pills to take to learn how to cope with the pain. I went back to Ukraine but couldn't deal with the pain and the necessary duties I had to perform as a volunteer. I was medically separated, something that broke my heart. It wasn't until this year, one year after my leaving Peace Corps service that I really started noticing my problems always came back when I ate gluten. I had unconsciously cut it out of my diet and had reintroduced it as part of a soft foods regimen for kidney stones. The more bread I ate, the worse I felt. The pain in my side came back, and I developed anemia. I also lost weight and had a change in bowel habits. Thank God I have a doctor here who listened to me and has referred me to see another GI specialist. Going through those old records pissed me off. For something that so common in people, why was I never tested for Celiac? I told them that my diet had changed and that I was eating more bread. Of course hindsight is always 20/20. I just hope that by sharing my story other people don't have to go through the needless testing I did and the worry that maybe it's all in your head.

Perfection

So, I've spent the past couple of days mulling over what might have led me to binge eat a couple days ago because what else do I have to do with my time, right? What set me off back on the path towards self-destruction when I have worked so hard to get to the point where I am at now? Quite simply the quest for perfection. I'm not talking about the impossible goal of attaining the body of a model. (Actually, I find those bodies repulsive. I would much rather have the body of a fitness model with defined muscles that can do work.) What I'm talking about are the impossible standards I like to hold myself to in an attempt to achieve more than I thought possible. Getting ready for bed last night, it hit me that the binging had a lot to do with the fact that after I ran six miles earlier this week, I twisted my ankle and pulled a ligament in my knee. This temporary set back was the result of me knowing I have flat feet and that I pronate but not doing anything to prevent injury. (Lesson learned-I got inserts to help prevent this from happening again. Just a word of advice-if you're thinking of picking up running, go to a running store and have them analyze your gait and the way you run. I could have saved myself a lot of hassle had I done this. I'm not saying you have to spend a lot of money since the inserts I got were just $20 but just to take good care of your feet.) This was a hard lesson, not just for my legs but also for my stomach and my psyche. I was so frustrated with myself for getting injured, setting back my training by about a week,and in essence, being human, that I was just ready to throw in the towel. So, I resorted back to my old ways of using food as a comfort mechanism. Like I said when I was heavier, food doesn't talk back. Except in this case it did. I felt even worse about myself after the binge than I did before. I fell into the trap of believing that I had to be a superwoman who is physically fit, eats well, knows how to take care of herself, and who in essence is perfect. What a load of crap. Where in the world did I ever come up with that idea? God only knows. But it comes with the territory of self-improvement, I guess. Having set such high goals and getting closer to attaining them, the harder it can become to accept that I make mistakes and that I am human. But it's those flaws that make me and everyone I know and love individuals we can love. Let's face it, perfection is boring. Imperfection is what makes us human, and learning to accept that is always a hard lesson. Am I going to remember this lesson for the rest of my life? Yeah right. I'm going to need several reminders. Setting goals that seem impossible is just a form of torture I like to impose on myself, and when I don't realize them, I get disappointed and frustrated. Hopefully I've learned a valuable lesson from this experience. Disappointment with oneself is just an opportunity to dust off, get back up, and keep going for the impossible. What seemed impossible yesterday becomes possible if not today, then at least tomorrow as long as we keep working for it. My unwarranted words of advice? Keep dreaming. Just don't beat yourself up when you make a mistake. Life's too short for that.

Wow, what a difference a few years makes! This phrase sounds so cliche but is certainly applicable in this instance. I went through my photos and am amazed at the difference in my body. Right now I am exactly half my size, to borrow the term employed by People. Who would have thought this would be possible?! Definitely not me just four years ago. I remember my goal then was just to get down to 200 lbs and wanted to run a mile. I've  surpassed that by a good 65 lbs and the fact that I ran 6 miles two days ago. My secret? Working out and eating more fruits and veggies. No diets, no gimmicks, just a lot of hard work and patience.

Me at 270 lbs in 2008

Me today at 135 lbs

Hello to the world! :)

Not going to lie, but this definitely feels a little weird and selfish posting about myself. My goal is to update this blog once a week. Not only will I be sharing tips about living gluten free (including sumptuous recipes I find on Pinterest and elsewhere) but I will also be chronicling my training progress since I am running my first half marathon this fall. This is a huge step for me considering in 2008, I weighed 270 lbs! Now I'm down to a healthy weight and am hoping to lose just 15 more pounds to get down to my goal. And for any one thinking that going gluten free automatically equates losing weight, let me tell you that I lost all this weight (135lbs so far) while still eating gluten. You can do it, trust me! It just takes a lot of hard work, and all it starts with is a simple baby step. Will you be perfect and stick to your new lifestyle all the time? NO WAY. I just had a binge day last night where I was resorting back to my old habits of eating beyond the point of sickness.  Why? Probably because I was alone for the night and thought the food would make me feel less stressed. Did it? Absolutely not. I just feel like crap now. And let me tell you, the more crappy processed food you eat, the worse you feel. Will you love kale chips overnight? Probably not. But start trying to incorporate them into your diet, and within a few weeks you will start to acquire a taste for them. If you want to lose weight, you have to make it a priority to take care of your health, not just for yourself but also for those you love. I lost my dad due to complications of morbid obesity, and I have made a pledge to take care the best care of myself I can so that way I can live to see my grandchildren.

I am just hoping that in creating this blog, I can reach out to others who are struggling with loving themselves and who, like myself, are struggling to live gluten free in a glutenated world. I think my story about finding out about gluten intolerance will come in my next post since I am running low on time this morning. But for any one searching for good reviews of gluten free products, I highly recommend checking out the blog Celiac and the Beast. This lady's reviews are always insightful and have helped me begin to muddle my way through some of the gluten-free options out there.

Oh, and in case you are wondering, I am a possible Celiac. I go see a GI specialist later this month to start the testing process. I had a negative blood test, but both my doctor and I want me to get further evaluation since I had many other hallmark signs of the disease while eating gluten (anemia, pain in my upper abdomen, GI problems, bloating, at one time a vitamin D deficiency, fatigue).

And so for now, I leave you my non-existent audience. May you have a peace-filled day.