Perfection

So, I've spent the past couple of days mulling over what might have led me to binge eat a couple days ago because what else do I have to do with my time, right? What set me off back on the path towards self-destruction when I have worked so hard to get to the point where I am at now? Quite simply the quest for perfection. I'm not talking about the impossible goal of attaining the body of a model. (Actually, I find those bodies repulsive. I would much rather have the body of a fitness model with defined muscles that can do work.) What I'm talking about are the impossible standards I like to hold myself to in an attempt to achieve more than I thought possible. Getting ready for bed last night, it hit me that the binging had a lot to do with the fact that after I ran six miles earlier this week, I twisted my ankle and pulled a ligament in my knee. This temporary set back was the result of me knowing I have flat feet and that I pronate but not doing anything to prevent injury. (Lesson learned-I got inserts to help prevent this from happening again. Just a word of advice-if you're thinking of picking up running, go to a running store and have them analyze your gait and the way you run. I could have saved myself a lot of hassle had I done this. I'm not saying you have to spend a lot of money since the inserts I got were just $20 but just to take good care of your feet.) This was a hard lesson, not just for my legs but also for my stomach and my psyche. I was so frustrated with myself for getting injured, setting back my training by about a week,and in essence, being human, that I was just ready to throw in the towel. So, I resorted back to my old ways of using food as a comfort mechanism. Like I said when I was heavier, food doesn't talk back. Except in this case it did. I felt even worse about myself after the binge than I did before. I fell into the trap of believing that I had to be a superwoman who is physically fit, eats well, knows how to take care of herself, and who in essence is perfect. What a load of crap. Where in the world did I ever come up with that idea? God only knows. But it comes with the territory of self-improvement, I guess. Having set such high goals and getting closer to attaining them, the harder it can become to accept that I make mistakes and that I am human. But it's those flaws that make me and everyone I know and love individuals we can love. Let's face it, perfection is boring. Imperfection is what makes us human, and learning to accept that is always a hard lesson. Am I going to remember this lesson for the rest of my life? Yeah right. I'm going to need several reminders. Setting goals that seem impossible is just a form of torture I like to impose on myself, and when I don't realize them, I get disappointed and frustrated. Hopefully I've learned a valuable lesson from this experience. Disappointment with oneself is just an opportunity to dust off, get back up, and keep going for the impossible. What seemed impossible yesterday becomes possible if not today, then at least tomorrow as long as we keep working for it. My unwarranted words of advice? Keep dreaming. Just don't beat yourself up when you make a mistake. Life's too short for that.